Wasted A Good Day

Planned to wak up at 8am to do revision for ECD's test tomorrow.


=(


Ended up waking around 1030am due to TQ's smses.


LOl.


She's a little tiny classmate of mine whom is kinda abit naggy at times.


But that's just her.


She has her virtues and traits which I am happy for.


But she also does has her temper which could be irritable for.


LOL.


Anyway, she's one girl whom is kinda similar towards me.


Somehow or rather, I do know what's on her mind on n off.


So i'll tell her what to do n so.


So does she. Telling me this and that.. So and so.


Cute her.


=D


Anyway, her texts were about my illness.


It did bothered her and she went and did a massive research.


I told her about the fact my mum and step mum being against to surgery.


Dad swaying towards the Chinese physician, and my constraints.


TQ did highlighted the risks and worries I had.


Risk: Losing voice, cutting of calcium vein and relapse.


Constraints: Sch. (FYP, Presentations & Tests)


Mainly, $$ too.


Cos I will be using Dad's medisave to help me tide it over.


But currently, their mindset = TCM & 'assurance' from the China Chinese Physician.


I have no choice but to risk it.


Hopefully, it's gonna be reduced or cured by him.


Else I am definitely fearing for the worst which the Doc said that, "It may or may not grow further which happened to a elderly lady.. Growth of 12cm till her neckline. By then, it'll be the risk of health / Life."


=(


*God, please bless me for this.

Alright. I have to start mugging for tomorrow's test now.


Else I'll def drag my time further by dozing off again. =(

MC

Didn't wanna put the title relating to what I did earlier for the fear of people googling on the topic which draws them to my blog.

.....

Went and consult a private doc yesterday for MC (2days).

Was hushed to get plentiful of rest due to my condition and to refrain from stressing myself further.

.....

Basically, I slept the entire day yesteday..

And I woke up early for work today.

Was late for reporting at 9am.. Had to send Ah Bee to Step Grandpa's place for yeye to take care of him..

Kinda lied to uncle saying that 'my friend' was waiting for me at Jurong East Station thus I wont be taking his ride to sch.

Stupid me.

I didnt have the courage to tell him truth that I skipped school for work.

I just didnt want to disappoint him.

But I still did.

Argh.

Stupid S.

Sighs.

Alright. Went to work and was kinda nervous when we was asked to go up onto the stage to showcast our new uniforms.

Photoshoot by the press made me more panicky when I was told to take pic with Ant.

Thank god everything went fast.

But I tink the end results of photos might look bad cos my lips were shivering then!

LOL.

Went and tried the white wine.. Oh my.. It really tasted bland.

But the red wine was.. wowww.. nice.

Too bad I had to finish it fast cos the rest were heading back to resting room.


Had a surprise by him again appearing around workplace.

Initial plan of meeting my beloved Mati`foo was cancelled cos she fell ill.

I wonder how is she now. =

Yup. Ended up accompanying him for his brunch, caught X-men at Kallang FlimGarde Theatre (My 1st time! and the sound system kinda sucky with running tunes)

Had vegetarian food for dinner which i kinda boasted, but ended soso.

Cos the usual male cook wasnt working.

Boo.

He acc-ed me back home and he left for home shortly.

Dont know why.

I knocked out again after resting bits..

Goodness.

Woke up around midnight by severe diarhhea.

Booo.

.....

Rested back on bed..

Thoughts: I am still not ready for a relationship.. ..... Sighs.

Father's Day 2011

I am kinda slow when it comes to thinking for a title for a blogpost.
Cos i need time to think which word is appropriate for the post.
And normally I take up alot of time thinking / finding the suitable one which matches my feelings.

I have forgotten to blog that, yesterday..
He came to my void deck waiting for me from 8pm.
Had a long chat and teary ones.

He did pointed out one flaw the both of us have.
"Bottling up of feelings during relationship process.
And when it comes to quarrelling / bickering,
that's when the bottle burst and both of us are ..... w it."

The end conclusion?
I told him I needed some private time, and at certain point, I really wanted to have a clean break from all.

I just wanted my peace and tranquility back.

He refused to accept the break, hushing me to relax and urging me to re-consider it all.

Part of me do loves him, but another part of me is tired. =(

sighs.


Anyway, It's Father's Day today.

Kinda emotional one for me though.

Dad & Aunt Eileen came over to my place to pass me the cyclinder which the chinese physician has 'ordered' us to do daily.

Headed to the opposite hawker centre to have a good breakfast.

It's been a long while since I had a meal with both of them.

Aunt Eileen shared alot of personal views on my illness..
We spoke quite alot.. but I got kinda emotional when she asked..

"Whether I still blame Dad for leaving me then.."

My heart sank.

I told her the truth.

When I was young, I did blame Dad for leaving me.

If he didnt left,

- I wouldn't have to face the fact that I recall both him n mum outside the court fighting for my custody.

- I wouldn't have my left knee's injured due to his disappearance to Taiwan. (Which caused mum's emotion to went hay-wired = leading to my bad fall.)

- I didnt have to face the hardship of being forced to mature at a young age alone.

- I didnt have a complete family and I envy others whenever I sees them.

- I didnt have to shuffle between both houses from Yishun to Hillview.

- I didnt have to face people I didnt like and receive harsh treatments around.

- I didnt have to shut myself off and think that no one loves me.

- I didnt have to think that no one really cares cos both mum and dad remarried to their spouses and none concerned much about me.

- I wouldn't have stress at young tender age.

- I wouldn't have to support my own living expenses.

- I wouldn't have to start working full time after "O" levels if they would be able to support me for my re-examinations.

- I wouldn't have to slog out for Polytechnic fees on my own.

- I wouldn't have to pay braces on my own.

- I wouldn't have to face the fact my parent cares more about themselves then towards me for my health, studies, wealth and etc. =(

- I wouldnt have gotten depression, extreme stress and all.

And..

- I wouldn't have the chance to enjoy a full complete family love.

.....


Okay. I didn't tell her either of these at all.

I just told her I did blame him when i was young due to immaturity.

But now that I am older, i understand their needs.

Thus I am fine.

It's my life and i accept it.

Just that that past experience have brought me a negative setback which I tends to shut people off my life easily whenever I face negative issues.

I am still, trying to overcome it.

...........

I doubt I will be able to overcome this childhood ordeal.

On my way on train, I couldn't help but to tear.

And I sure looked kinda sick when I arrived at work.

I tweeted,

好久没和老爸一起吃饭了。。今天是以二十四年以来。。第一次向家人说出年小时候的真心话。。眼泪都快要流出来了。。好想对老爸说。。“爸，别为以前的事而自责了。。我已经长大和想通了。不要为我而感到内疚。你永远还是我的亲爱老爸。

.....

Gf & Xx replied with love & smiley.

=)

Dozed off after I have reached home from work..

And the msg I tweeted kinda bugged me.

Why can't I forward it to Dad?

.....

I hestitated for a long period.

And I braved my courage..

Copy and paste to Dad..

Shortly, his reply was.. "Haha.. After work, Go home sleep lah.."

=)

*breathes in deeply..
*breathes out deeply..

Sighs..

I am speechless now..